REFLECTIONS

The change from summer to fall always seems to leave me pondering about the things of life. While the world around me seems like a swirl of busy bees—getting kids ready for school, shopping for winter clothing, preparing for the holidays—I find myself in an opposite position. I feel tranquil and peaceful. I am more aware of my surroundings; the way the air feels a little crisper on my cheeks, the smell of old plants fading with the summer months and new ones coming on with the fall; I feel that I actually “stop and smell the roses.” Today is the first day of fall. I went for a walk with Chloe this morning, enjoying the beautiful sights and sounds that accompany autumn. She slept peacefully in her stroller which left me time to contemplate.

The thing foremost on my mind recently has been about people; my family, my friends, the stranger in the grocery store and the neighbor across the street. I have also been thinking a lot about religion, more specifically my religion. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, or a “Mormon” as so many like to call us. Whether you are one yourself, know a few things about them, or know as little as thinking we are a cult (we are NOT), the one thing most people do know is that we are different. My favorite comment is “Oh, you are the ones who have all kinds of rules right? Like you can’t drink and party and stuff?” This one always makes me laugh. I think because while that comment is exactly right it is also exactly wrong at the same time; if people only understood that our Church is based on the concept of free agency. We don’t have “rules,” but we do have commandments. I like to think of them more as guidelines. Why? Because no one is forcing you to obey any of them. YOU choose. While I was growing up in the LDS church I think it was hard for a lot of my friends to understand how I had any choice in the matter of religion. While in High School I had a conversation with a friend who brought up a good point. He talked about culture and how growing up a certain way will cause you to think, feel and act a certain way. Just as Americans eat American food, speak the English language, participate in American holidays etc, someone who is raised a Mormon will do what “Mormons” do. No drinking alcohol, no dating until you are 16, no foul language, no rated R movies and the list goes on and on with DON’TS . Then there are the DO’s. Do go to Church every Sunday, do get baptized, do marry in the Temple, do have children and the list goes on and on with the DO’s. It seemed to him that while I meant well in trying to live my religion, I wasn’t really left with a choice. I did the Mormon thing because my parents were Mormon, and there parents were Mormon and so on. It was culture. My dear friend meant well in his philosophy, and caused me to ponder more deeply the way I choose to live. I took his words and mulled over them for a bit. He had a good point. I was raised LDS so that was all I knew. What if I didn’t do the DO’s and did the DON’TS? Then who would I be? Surely without my religion I would be free to do whatever I wanted. What a thought!

But that wasn’t what I thought. At the tender age of about 16 there were a lot of things I didn’t know. But there was something I did know. I knew that I was choosing to live the way I lived. Not my family, not my Church, not my friends. I CHOSE. I was a teenager so of course I had rules and curfews. Of course they were in line with the LDS religion. But I CHOSE not to swear, not to drink, not to dress immodestly, etc. And you know what? I earned more love and respect from my friends outside of the Church than anyone else I’ve ever known in it. Most of them didn’t (don’t) understand this strange way of living; most of them thought (and probably still think) that I do the things I do because “everyone in my family does.” Tradition, religion; Not a free spirit, a free thinker. Oh how I wish I could make them understand!

I have never felt more free in all my life! In choosing not to partake of any substance that is harmful to my body I am free of addiction, illness and bad judgment. In choosing not to use foul language I can expand my grammar skills and teach my daughter words that are kind and uplifting. In choosing not to watch unclean TV/movies I keep my mind free of violence and hatred and crudeness so there is more room for love, purity and goodness. In choosing to be baptized I have a promise of receiving great blessings from God. In choosing to go to Church every Sunday I learn about dedication and responsibility which makes me a better wife and mother. In choosing to marry someone in the Temple I have the great joy and opportunity of being with the person I love not for time, but ETERNITY. In choosing to have a child in the bonds of marriage I have learned what true selflessness, sacrifice and love really means. I have made my choices. I will make many more choices throughout my life. The one choice that I will forever commit to is the choice I made to become a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. Is there responsibility with that choice? Yes. There is responsibility with every choice we make. No choice has ever brought me more happiness, more freedom and more respect than the choice to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints.

All of this has led up to the point I wish to make. I mentioned thinking about people. In watching the world and people around me I see so much good. I see families going for walks, strangers being polite, children laughing and playing together. I hear people speak kind words, see them do kind things and accept those around them with open arms. I wish I could say that is all that I see, but it is not. Because while I see so much good, I also see so much that is bad. I see hatred and violence. I see abuse; abuse of body, mind and substance. I see sadness; so much sadness it makes my heart ache! I see that the world has become distrustful, cold and hard. Everywhere people are lost and confused. There is too much pride and greed; too much concern for oneself and the materialistic things in this world and no concern for those around them. If only every man and woman on this earth could humbly accept one another; accept God! While the world is full of turmoil and sorrow there is so much peace and comfort to be found if one knows where to look for it.

And so I end with my testimony. With a thousand thoughts running through my mind, and a million things I wish to say to people I’ve loved past present and future I will leave you with the one thing that I know will not fail even if everything else in this world does. And that is my testimony. It burns within me so deep I feel as though I am on fire. Because I KNOW. As sure as I know the sun will rise in the morning I know that God lives. I KNOW that Jesus Christ is his Son, our brother. I KNOW that He died for us—for every sin, sorrow, temptation and fear He has suffered and He is the one who will forgive every sin and heal every broken heart. I KNOW as surely as I know He died that He lives! That He is aware of each and every person on this earth. I KNOW that it is only through repentance that we can return and live with God and Jesus Christ someday. I KNOW that God loves all his children. He is merciful. He created you, this earth that you stand on, and everything you have and are belongs to Him. I KNOW that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints is the only true and living Church on this earth. I KNOW that revelation is real and true. I KNOW that a boy of 14 years, Joseph Smith, received such revelation after a sincere prayer and that he saw God the Father and Jesus Christ. I KNOW that we have a living Prophet today, Thomas S. Monson, who is the mouthpiece of the Lord. I KNOW we can receive revelation for ourselves. I KNOW that “wickedness never was happiness” (Book of Mormon Alma 41:10), and that true joy and peace can and will come through living good and righteous lives. He asks that we give our best; our all. He asks so little, and in return, He will give us the blessings of Eternal Life with Him and all those we love. He asks that we repent and come unto him. He says in Matthew 11:28, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” I beg the world to accept this testimony. I beg the world to search your hearts, search the scriptures and pray until you have a testimony that burns within you as does mine. This Church is true. I would feel a sinner if I didn’t share this knowledge with all who wish to hear it. 2 Timothy 1:7-8 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord…”

And so, now you know. If you didn’t know me before, you know me now. To all of those I love who don’t have, or who no more believe in this Gospel—Someday you WILL know. Know of its truth. And when that day comes you cannot look at me and ask, “Why? Why didn’t you tell me the things you knew?” I have told you; through love and example, and now I have written my testimony. I will not deny what I know. And I won’t deny how strongly I desire for all of you to know and accept and feel the great love and peace that this gospel has to give. I love you all. I hope your respect for me has not been lost. This is who I am. Take it or leave it.